Simply Carolina Dreamz » 30 Days of Truth, Inspiration » 30 Days of Truth.. Day 13 → A band or artist that has gotten you through some tough a** days. (write a letter.)

30 Days of Truth.. Day 13 → A band or artist that has gotten you through some tough a** days. (write a letter.)

This challenge is very difficult for me because I believe Music is Life. Every room in a home deserves a different genre.. just as every mood does. There isn’t much, in the music industry that I don’t appreciate on some level.

I could write Colin Raye about “Love Me” getting me through my grandmother’s death and all the major changes in my life, that had to happen, in 1991.

I could write to Alabama about how several of there songs built me into who I am today, but I think that would freak my heart out, too much.

I could write to Reba McEntire, because my world has evolved through some of her songs.

I could write to Tanya Tucker about “Strong Enough to Bend.” Or to Steve Wariner about “The Weekend.” but my heart isn’t ready for that, either.

I could write to Kenny Chesney, because my world is a Kenny Chesney song. And maybe I will do all of the above.. but today, I’ll write to Miley Cyrus.

Dear Miss Cyrus,

In 2009, I hadn’t had any communication with my father in five years. He had made a choice to not have me part of his life. There were some ugly things said, that weren’t true and I just felt that someday he would contact me, apologize, or whatever, and we’d go about being family again. I was tired of struggling to prove to him that I was his daughter and a decent person. You can only fight for something for so long and at this point, I was silently fighting.

In 2008, I had a double blood transfusion, while I was out of town, by myself. It was a very scary situation, for me, and yet I was feeling like a rotten daughter because, although, I had found gifts for my dad, for his birthday, that day of the transfusion, I had yet to mail them.

I always tried to not be a nuisance to him or his memory of my mother. I knew that he struggled with having a grown adult child with children surrounding the ages of his current children, in his household. I was just a reminder of a bad time he didn’t want to remember.

I decided not to send those gifts and cards late. I thought it was just a negative thing for them to show up late, even though I did prepare for them on time. I thought I would only add fire to the idea that I couldn’t be his perfect (and only) daughter.

On Mother’s Day, 2009, the Sheriff beat down my door to deliver an emergency message for me to call some man I didn’t know. After tracing the call back, they brought me my father’s phone number.

I, immediately called and thought my dad had answered the phone. I said, “Dad?” like I had when he called five years earlier, when grandma had passed away, and the man on the other end asked, “Is this Heidi?” and I said, “Yes” and he asked me to hold.

Next came my frantic step-mother, in tears, apologizing for how rotten things had been and how she just couldn’t get him to contact me, etc.

Turns out, he had passed away but from talking with her, that day, I was thinking it was some time in the past and that they didn’t know how to contact me. I had sent a mother’s day gift, and that address is how they got the sheriff to me.

Stunned, I wasn’t sure what to do. My strong, independent step-mother was a wreck and I needed to get to her, so I asked if I could visit. After making some quick arrangements, I turned on my laptop to search an obituary.

What I found was he was still at the mortuary and this had just happened. I needed to go to Augusta to bury him. Sometimes timing is everything.

I, frantically, packed a few things and set out with my youngest daughter, towards Augusta, Georgia.

My daughter was in control of the radio and in went a cd. I didn’t know any of your music, then. When “The Climb” came on, I asked her to hit repeat.

All the way to and from Augusta, we played “The Climb.”

It was so amazing to have a song touch me in my moments of panic and immediate grief.

I do always want to change those things I can’t change. I always want to fix things. I always want to see the best in everyone else.. and somehow, throughout my life, it was me that was broken.

Dad had suffered those last five years with ALS (Amyotrophic Lateral Sclerosis with frontal dementia.) Lou Gehrig’s disease. Apparently he didn’t want me to know. He didn’t want me involved. My family had suffered through this great illness, with him, and could see him peacefully resting now. I just saw my dad, laying there, never to speak to me again. I saw my chances to prove to him that I could be someone and make something of my life, that he felt I had thrown away to be a mother, at an early age.. were gone. I was devastated.

I had always lived with the doubts that I couldn’t change things with him. Now I didn’t have that obstacle and I needed to figure out what I was going to do with my life.

I kept singing, “Ain’t about how fast I get there.” I just knew I needed to get pushing on with my “climb.”

I’m thankful for the inspiration of the song writers:

“The Climb” is a song performed by American recording artist and actress Miley Cyrus, for the 2009 film Hannah Montana: The Movie. The song was written by Jessi Alexander and Jon Mabe, and produced by John Shanks.

Today, just over a year later, I am a full-time student.  I’m delving into Freelance Writing. I’m learning more about ALS, supporting the walks, the best that I can, with my own disabilities, and blogging about health issues that connect to all degenerative and auto-immune diseases and disorders.

I miss Dad everyday.  Thank you, though, for making my current climb so much easier.

With much appreciation,

Heidi Jeffers Thibodeau

 

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2 Responses to "30 Days of Truth.. Day 13 → A band or artist that has gotten you through some tough a** days. (write a letter.)"

  1. I’ve got trouble with seeing your blog layout with the latest version of Opera. Looks good in IE7 and Firefox though.Have a nice day.

    1. cdzsimply says:

      Its a theme issue. Thank you for bringing this to my attention. I’m in the process of updating this theme. ~Heidi

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